The eSafety Commissioner has finally done it — she’s gone full authoritarian hall monitor, charging into the digital playground with a clipboard, a power trip, and zero respect for basic rights. And now she’s throwing a tantrum because the big tech companies won’t sign her little “pledge.”
Good.
Someone had to tell her to sit down before she starts demanding retinal scans to check Facebook messages.
This entire crusade to ban under-16s from social media is government overreach on steroids — the sort of shameless power grab you’d expect from a bored dictator, not a public servant who’s supposed to regulate, not rule.
She’s trying to bully global platforms into enforcing a national digital lockdown, complete with fines the size of a small country’s GDP, all because she apparently decided Australian parents are too stupid to supervise their own kids.
The arrogance is breathtaking.
And let’s not pretend this is about “protecting children.”
That’s the brochure.
What she’s actually building is the scaffolding for the largest government-mandated surveillance and identity-verification regime Australia has ever seen.
Age assurance? Don’t insult us.
It’s code for:
Hand over your face, your biometrics, your data, and your privacy… or get off the internet.
And when the companies said, “No thanks, we’re not signing your toy contract,” she acted shocked — as if she didn’t just demand they construct a digital police state on her behalf.
This isn’t safety.
This is state-sponsored paranoia.
This is one unelected bureaucrat deciding she’s the Digital Mother Superior of 26 million people.
Bolt-on consequences? Easy:
- Teens cut off from learning, community, and the modern world.
- Parents treated like incompetents.
- Companies forced into ludicrous compliance schemes.
- A pristine new gateway for government data-hoarding and surveillance creep.
And the Commissioner?
She gets more power, more reach, and more excuses to meddle in Australians’ lives with zero accountability.How fkn dare she.
Australia didn’t vote for this digital dictatorship.
No parent asked for it.
No teenager wants it.
And the platforms certainly aren’t enabling it.
The eSafety Commissioner has stepped so far out of her lane she’s on another highway entirely.
Time to slam the brakes on this authoritarian fantasy before she decides the next step is banning adults from memes after 9 pm.
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